I started reading The Artist’s Way in October 2019 and freaky things happened almost immediately. The Artist’s Way was self-published (!) by writer and teacher Julia Cameron in the early 90s and went on to become an international bestseller.

The book had been on my shelf for about a year. I’d look at the cover from time to time. Then I visited a friend in LA. He mentioned he’d recently done a stand-up show.

I was like what?!

And he said he was working through the book. I told him about its textbook status on my bookshelf, but that I’d been meaning to pick it up.

“I’ll know when you start it,” he said.

Spooky, I thought. Maybe I’d transform into a super-artist! A creative being!

An egomaniac.

What if everyone hated me?

What if I just could not shut up? What if the price of success is rejection by EVERYONE?

Before I started, my creativity was spent watching TV and finding creative ways to avoid writing, with a limited view of what I was "allowed" to create as A Writer With An MFA. A couple weeks later I started reading.

In this, yes, spooky, and gentle, guide, Julia Cameron answered my concerns in the first few sections. She basically says, these are common egoic fears, or the voice of your devious inner critic, who, with all good intentions, wants to keep you small.

And it’s your job as a creative being to respond with a loving, “Nope!” (I learned that in improv! It’s not all yes-and!)

Here is what happened when I worked through the exercises in The Artist’s Way, wrote daily morning pages, and went on a weekly artist date.

I learned how to wheel throw ceramics
I started drawing again
I became a Usui Reiki Master Practitioner
I joined an improv group—still at it after almost four months! I’m hilarious!
I tried glass painting
I made film photography a regular hobby
I visited the De Young and the Legion of Honor and BAM/PFA
I felt empowered and affirmed to enjoy my own company, something I’ve been made to feel shame for throughout my Reflector 6/2 / introverted life.
I pitched stories to magazines, something I’ve been afraid to do for years.
I decided to go ahead and finish a draft of my memoir even as I’m waiting for news on a big writing grant—I’m halfway to my goal for the first three months of 2020!
I noticed Julia Cameron credits this book called Creative Ideas for her success, so I bought a copy, which exploded my life in a few new directions, along the lines of Eckhart Tolle, A Course in Miracles, Bob Proctor, Reese Evans, Byron Katie, Tony Robbins, Wayne Dyer, and the like. And the best part is, I’ve always been interested in this stuff, but now I feel better about being myself and liking what I like while forming a deeper trust with my Higher Power.
I go on meditation retreats more regularly.
I enrolled in an NLP Practitioner & Life and Success Coach certification program through Yes Supply, which I’ll complete this year. I’m already coaching people and taking clients using the tools I’ve gained. (speaking of—I’ve started a business!)

There were also wonderful gifts—free Hamilton tickets, winning $150 in Halloween costume contests, seeing Colin Kaepernick on Alcatraz on Thanksgiving, feeling like maybe I have something to offer the world for reals…

I still do morning pages and artist dates and try to notice when cool coincidences happen. I’ve been putting myself out there in more and more ways and I’m excited to keep shining for others’ benefit, even though it’s often still scary. For those of you who don’t know me personally, I also work full-time.

This book offers a complete mindset shift to the person willing to try it. I’ve recorded one of Cameron’s essays found in the book, below. It’s one of my favorites and I listen to it often, especially when I need a reminder that this creativity+life stuff is meant to be at least a little bit fun.

It’s been a rollercoaster of a week. I listened to the entire hearing while at work. People talk about Dr. Ford’s testimony being triggering, which it is, but I found Judge Kavanaugh’s petulance far worse. To be honest, patriotism is a foreign feeling to me. Or maybe it’s because I’m foreign. Senator Harris mentioned love of one’s country during the hearing and it was like someone talking about being in love to someone who’s never experienced it. It gives me shrug. But I don’t want to feel that way. But it’s easier to feel that way.

Last week, Berkeley Buddhist Priory had their annual Segaki ceremony. In case you were wondering, I was raised Christian, I meditate daily, occasionally pray on a rosary, and am on a first-name basis with a Zen Buddhist priest. (I also nerd out on the lives of saints, in case you have any cool books to recommend.)

Luckily, I’d already given Rev. Kinrei my mom’s name, because I ended up forgetting it was happening. But I love the spirit of the ceremony and wanted to share it here.

“Segaki” means “feeding the hungry ghosts.” A hungry ghost, or gaki, is a supernatural being (the soul of the departed, in my understanding) who is experiencing great torment in the afterlife. Similarly, in Southeast Asia, people keep spirit houses outside their homes and place food to feed (and appease) the spirits. So the Segaki is for those spirits who have no one to do that for them, or who died under violent, frightening, etc. circumstances. It’s a way to show love, to help stop suffering, even after someone is gone.

My only way of staying afloat in today’s America is practicing, praying for, looking for growing compassion for and in all beings. Trying, at least.